Business Monkey Insurance – Insurance

There is a statistical theory that if you give a million monkeys a typewriter and turn them on, they will eventually come out with complete Shakespearean works. Thanks to the internet, we now know that’s not true.

– Ian Hart

As you know, the internet can be a wonderful and frustrating place. Someone once said that finding something on the internet is like taking a drink from a fire hose. If you google the word insurance, you’ll end up with over 3 billion results. At least that’s how many you’ll get today… who knows how much you’ll get tomorrow.

You are clearly an above average internet user, because you have found your way to Electronic Insurance Magazine. Most of this site is dedicated to some serious stuff. After all, insurance isn’t exactly an amazing business. However, the internet will offer some occasional tidbits about insurance teasers, trivia, and oddities. If you google Insurance HumorYou will still get nearly 36 million results. The problem is that you have to get rid of a lot of not funny things to find the real gems. So, to save you some time and effort, we’ll share some of what we’ve found throughout this research. Keep in mind that if it was online, it would be Should be honest. Or at least funny. right?

We’ll leave the decision up to you.

Many websites dedicated to the lighter side of insurance feature the now classic funny stuff that shows things people have already written on their auto insurance claim forms. To refresh your memory:

• The guy was all the way. I had to swerve a few times before I hit him.
• I saw a slow, sad old man bounce off the roof of my car.
• On my way home, I drove into the wrong house and crashed into a tree I didn’t own.
• Trying to kill a fly, I hit the telephone pole.

These so-called “true” claims were circulated widely on print (remember them?) and copies years before they even appeared on the Internet. However, they are always good for a chuckle. one site It also contains some great photos from insurance claims. It is worth a look.

With more research, you’ll uncover some insurance jokes. Little Bear repeats here:

• Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We have that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Stop, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t quite work that way. The independent adjuster will assess the value of what has been insured, and then we will provide you with a new shed of similar value.” There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s the way, I want to cancel my husband’s life insurance policy.”
• Private Jones was assigned to the Army’s Induction Center, where he had to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their group life insurance (SGLI). It wasn’t long until the center’s lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had nearly 100% of insurance sales, which had never happened before. Instead of asking about this, the lieutenant stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones’ sales presentation. Jones explained the basics of SGLI to new recruits, then said. “If you have an SGLI and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to the beneficiaries. If you don’t have an SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay $6,000 max. Now,” he concluded, “any group you think they would send.” To battle first?”
• A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said: “I am here because my house was on fire, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “This is completely a coincidence,” the engineer said. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by the flood, and my insurance company paid for everything.” The lawyer thought for a moment, but felt puzzled. Finally the engineer asked, “How do you start a flood?”
• An actuary, a lawyer, and an accountant discuss the relative advantages of having a mistress or wife. The lawyer believes that it is better to have a mistress, because the wife can take everything if a divorce occurs. The accountant thinks it’s definitely better to have a wife, from a tax perspective. The actuary thinks it’s better to have both, because when you’re not with the wife, she thinks you’re with the mistress, and when you’re not with the mistress, the mistress thinks you’re with the wife, that way you can spend more time in the office. (You might have to work in insurance, or know an actuary already to get that!)

If you keep searching, you’ll find some supposedly “weird but true” insurance stories and other accounts of the “real” insurance spirit. like this:

• Someone named Brian Callen claimed to have gone blind four different times in the same eye. He filed claims in 1988, 1992, 1997 and 2002, raising more than $1 million before being arrested and charged with insurance fraud and grand theft.
• Then there was the miserable man in Switzerland who sued for smashing his car’s rear window. He parked his car on a hill and forgot to stop the break. When he got out of the car it started rolling down the hill. chased afterwards. The car stopped abruptly when it hit a curb, but he didn’t – and he ended up in the back seat with several cuts and bruises.
• In 1945, a headless chicken from Fruita Colorado was insured for $10,000. Enough brainstem was left after decapitation so that the hen could still roam. She toured many bizarre shows across the country for a year and a half before finally dying somewhere in Arizona.
• Lloyd’s of London started in a coffee shop owned by Edward Lloyd. Lloyd himself had nothing to do with insurance, but his name is still associated with it more than 300 years later.
• Bumper sticker on the back of the car: “Insured by a mafia. You hit me. We beat you.”
• Another protective poster: “Can Atheists Get Insurance for God’s Actions?”
• It was the same company that provided insurance for the 1996 Republican National Convention in San Diego that covered the first voyage of the HMS Titanic. No wonder Dole lost to Clinton!
• And what about the attorney in Charlotte, North Carolina, who bought a box of very rare and expensive cigars and insured it against fire, among other things. Within a month he smoked his entire collection of these great cigars. Before paying his first premium on the policy, he filed a claim with the insurance company stating that the cigars had been lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man consumed the cigars in the normal way. The lawyer sued….and won! Rather than undergo a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the attorney $1,5000.00 for his loss of the rare cigar in the “fires.” But after the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company arrested him on 24 counts of arson! With his insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the attorney was convicted of arson of his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in prison and a $24,000.00 fine.

If you still have the time and energy, your research will bring you to a number of weird things that are locked in. For example:

• Abbott & Costello has obtained an insurance policy to cover itself financially in the event of a dispute between them.
• People can buy insurance to offset any losses incurred by a foreign kidnapping – including unwanted investigation and vaccination.
• Cutty Sark Whiskey is locked against anyone who collects a million pound prize to capture the Loch Ness monster.
• A grain of rice was insured for 13,000 pounds because it had engravings of the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh on it.
• A UK transvestite insured his (her?) breasts for £300,000.
• Not to be outdone, Dolly Parton insured her breasts for $600,000, or so the rumors say.
• Betty Grabel insured her legs for $1,000,000.
• So did a guy named Johnny Collier, better known as Ann Miller.
• So did Mary Hart, host of Entertainment Tonight.
• Poor Fred Astair’s legs are locked for only $75,000 apiece.
• Charlie’s former owner, Kate Jackson was in the running by insuring her for $8 million.
• Bruce Springstein insured his voice for $6 million.
• Some food critics in England insured his taste for 250 thousand pounds. I think this is a way to ensure good taste. (Ba Dum Boom – Editor)
• Finally, silent film actor Ben Turpin (the crossover actor in Saps at Sea and Make Me a Star) gets a $20,000 insurance policy in case his eyes go blind. He says he did it as a joke, however, he is known to be the first famous person to secure a body part.

Saving the best for last, Homer Simpson’s insurance model justification for buying Dimoxinil (a hair restorer): “To keep the brain from freezing.”

D’oh!

I hope your mind doesn’t freeze while reading this. Now we get back to work.